I could write volumes on overcoming a toxic parent and learning to live freely. Maybe I will write a book about it in the future. However, I didn't want to overload my post with lots of information on how, why, and when to succeed in dealing with the problem. I think it's more effective to begin with short, simple, to the point statements as a start, to helping those affected by toxic parents.
Here are my top ten tips;
- It is NOT your fault - Your parent behave the way they behave because they are and have, the problem.
- You are loveable and likeable - Just because you're not liked or loved by your toxic parent, doesn't mean others won't like or love you. The person who should love you first, is YOU.
- You are good enough - Of course there is always room for improvement, but nothing you do will impress or be good enough to your toxic parent.
- You're not responsible - You are not responsible for everything they did or do to you. You are only responsible for how to behave, feel or think about what's happened to you.
- You have the right to say NO! - You do not have to take their manipulation, insults or abuse any more and it's not your job to make them happy. (You won't achieve that even if you tried).
- You have the ownership of your life - They maybe the reason you were born, but that does not give them the right to own your life, tell you what to do or dictate how you should live.
- Your needs are important - Knowing and reaching for your needs to be met does not make you selfish. In fact, it's a sensible thing to do as it will equip you more and make you stronger to help and be there for others.
- Forgive them - Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
- It's your choice - It's your choice whether you still want them in your life. If you decide you want to distance yourself, then remain guilt free. You do not have to see them. You can still love them (if that's how you feel) without having a relationship with them.
- Heal the inner child - You are no longer 'that' child, but the child within you still needs loving and nurturing. Write a letter to your inner child, tell them they are loved, tell them you will now protect them, tell them it's not their fault, give them a voice and help them to share their thoughts and feelings.
If you have been affected by this and would like counselling or coaching do please book an appointment with me at Restoring Lives