Intimacy out of mess.

In the cartoon Lady and the Tramp, I love the bit when Lady and Tramp are eating spaghetti together.

Without realising they both start to eat the same piece of spaghetti, and as they each chew on it, they become closer and closer.

until they meet together in the middle and experience something intimate.

Lady and Tramp eating the spaghetti illustrates to me that even amongst chaos and mess, if two people share it together, and then both manage to grab hold of the same thing, it can then ultimately bring them closer together. 

It's no longer 'a problem shared is a problem halved', but rather 'a problem shared is a relationship made whole'.

Time out from school has helped.

My son Mason returned to school yesterday after being home educated.

Mason started high school last September full of optimism, excitement and the expectation of making new friends. But, within the first few weeks, he become unhappy, dissatisfied, and frustrated with school which then affected his behaviour both in school and at home.

He was receiving break time detentions every week, mainly for not bringing his P.E. kit or home economics ingredients (which we were supposed to measure out for him). And then he was receiving after school detentions. Indecently, this didn't change his organisational skills, but rather, frustrated him even more and cause him to disrespect school authority. We felt that Mason hadn't coped with the jump from junior school to high school, and wasn't grasping the responsibility he should have had for his school equipment. I feel his dad and I are part to blame for his lack of organisational skills but I also feel that the school place too much pressure on our kids too soon and expect them to behave in a certain way without given them the time and space to develop their behaviour to the schools expectations. However, by the end of the first term, we decided to take him out of school to home educate him.

Most of his home education was to work on his behaviour, organisational skills and responsibility which I feel improved and now measures up to the standard required for a 12 year old at his current school. Since his return to school, he has been put back into all the classes he was in before he left and although it has only been two days, Mason has come home feeling more positive about his future in school.

I still have reservations about the education system in this country and believe too much pressure at such a young age, is put on the children in mainstream schools. However, since reading the white paper on the proposed changes to the current system, I feel positive about sending my daughters to school and their future school career.

Don't lose hope

• Hope can encourage
• Hope is miraculous
• Hope is forward thinking
• Hope can liberate
• Hope heals
• Hope builds up
• Hope is empowering
• Hope brings peace
• Hope is optimistic
• Hope is proactive
• Hope is not knowing, but believing

Knowing what will happen, is when you've lost all hope.

Colour outside the lines:

When I was a child I use to colour outside the lines. But I soon learnt that wasn't the correct way to colour and so as I grew older I started to colour inside the lines and went through countless colouring books until I never made one mistake and stayed inside the lines. I wanted to be a great artist who could control a crayon perfectly.

But what is the big deal? Why can't we be a little messy and colour over the lines? To colour outside the lines means to submit, give up the control, and to stop trying to be perfect.

We all naturally make mistakes because we live in a fallen world created by two people who made the ultimate mistake in humanity. Were they colouring outside the lines as they walked with God in the garden of Eden? Yes they was. But they wanted to perfect themselves and be like God, the greatest artist of all.

Colouring outside the lines of the God and you combination, allows you to live in freedom and to become what God created you to be.

I'm a mushroom eater.

Sometimes I feel like the black sheep when I receive disapproving comments from others because I'm not doing things the same way as everyone else.

Why do people have to do the same thing as everyone else? Is it because they can't make a decision on their own? Is it because they have no sense of individuality? Is it because they are followers and not leaders? Is it because they want to fit in? Is it because they just don't know what to do and are scared to be different?

I'm a mushroom eater. I am the one who would eat a mushroom first to see if it's safe. If someone else had eaten it first, I wouldn't believe it to be safe until I've eaten it myself. I'm someone who likes to take risks and make my own mistakes and I don't like doing what other people do unless it's within my own belief and value system.

Being different or rebellious to the norm way of living, has it's down sides. People totally misunderstand me. I have been called arrogant, a show off and a bit boastful. If people really knew what was going on inside my mind, they wouldn't be so judgmental, insulting and offensive. I don't see the point in trying to justify myself to others because everyone is entitled to their opinion and I can accept their perception of me, even if it can upset me at times.

I am a sheep and I have a Shepard. His name is Jesus and it's him who I follow and want to be like.

There is 'I' in community

We have been made in God's image and God the Holy Spirit helps us to live, care and love like God the Son who is the living image of God the Father. God is community and likes to be and commune with us. He is always there, always cares and will forever love us. That is His promise. So why do I feel so lonely? Abandoned? Rejected?

In 2004 I was starting to feel lifted out of my depression and by the time I gave my life to Jesus in 2006, I was fully recovered from it. However, the psychosis is back and I have once again been prescribed medication to re-uptake the serotonin levels in my brain. Unfortunately, during the past couple years I have heard negative comments from fellow Christians about depression and anti-depressants and have been told numerous times that there is no need for medication as depression is a choice and only God can heal someone from it, but that person has to be willing to pray about it and to take it to God for healing. AARRGHHH!!! I now do not feel like I can share with others about my condition and want to go home to my friends and family who were there the first time around and understands me and is supportive.

God is community, and we his children are community too, but no matter how much alone time I spend with Him, I still feel like I need to be with those who know me and one of the worst thing about depression is, no matter how much I know how blessed I am, or how much time I spend with a true friend, I still feel lonely.

Who owns your relationship?

When you make a commitment to a relationship, you invest your attention and energy in it more profoundly because you now experience ownership of that relationship.

- Barbara De Angeli

When I was younger, my brother and I shared a game. I would take it out of the box and play with it carefully. I would make sure all the pieces were all together when I'd finished playing with it, and I would put it back in the box ready for next time. My brother however, was more careless with the game. He would pull it apart, chuck it about and often lose the pieces, until eventually, the box had fallen apart and too many pieces were missing and it became useless to play with. 

My brother and I often shared games and toys and they would always end up broken or useless because he hadn't looked after them properly and so many of our games were thrown away before they were properly played with. As I grew older, I would take more of an ownership with our shared games and look after them for the both of us.

A relationship can become broken and useless too, if one of the persons in the relationship doesn't look after it properly and isn't committing to investing their attention or energy into it.  A relationship doesn't just mean between lovers. A relationship can be between friends, colleagues, pupil and teacher, neighbours, etc. What happens when someone in the relationship isn't looking after it properly? 

I'm experiencing broken relationships in my life right now and I think it's time I gave up ownership of these relationships. It's hard to maintain a relationship when I'm the only one investing into it.  

Sometimes, we have to admit defeat and throw the game away.